SCREAMING SCARY SOUL

I was...giving all of mine in me , I was giving all of my courage , my motivation and even live my spirit life into all of this which we call this dream of us.
I DID,
but then again I think I wasn’t DOING everything good enough.
I missed something.Imperfect.

I suddenly wanna cry but I can’t
I wanna scream , as if it like I‘m in d roller coaster..but I can’t
I wanna sleep and be in another world...but I can’t
I wanna make a dream...but its all so blury
I dropped it...just in a sudden as my heartbeat stop for a second or two
I wanna tell all people , moaning , complaining ,shocking my grief onto them ,but somehow I can’t...just somehow something pull me back , hold me back , make me standing still

This pain.....so hurting me deep inside
Like something stabbed me right thorough my heart..
the worst part is... I think this pain stabbed my soul..
I’m lost...my soul is lost...
And my head is now spinning around in the deathly carousel

THEN
I drag my soul to a beautiful shiny place...and so far..
It's useless...
my soul is screaming out loud for my scary misery..
alone..there

chocking my throat of a giant slippers while waiting someone infront of a hippo stinky dirty cage.

I wish...I could see this world in a beautiful hologram glasses ,
So I would see beautiful colours , shapes , and 3D movement ,...beautifully in colours
But infact as I’m now wearing a black sunglasses
Dark.....so dark...

I feel so sad , definately sad today
I swear it
I feel like chocking my throat of a giant slippers while waiting someone infront of a hippo stinky dirty cage.
It feel so strange why I’m sad now , ...

I know I have a great life , wonderful family and pretty good job , and not to mention lots of list things to do...positive things to do...
But I don’t know how I end up confusing myself for nonsense feeling of the things I saw , I have just seen..

Things I shouldn’t supposed to see but I did , I had seen...
I don’t feel regret or anything....but I feel ....so weak , hopeless and sad...deeply

It’s a horror knowing that I can’t do anything , I sit here in my darkest grief , moaning
Sitting here alone ...just alone...maybe I should cry...but I don’t want the world to see

I’m sitting in the dark...and found myself in a broken wing...
I couldn’t fly...just hurt..
Deserted ...sad,weak,hollow...

My odyssey

Have u ever felt like being in a hot shiny sun afternoon in your cozy window while listening 70’s – 80’s songs ?

I was today , and i was all alone , i stared at the window , looking at an empty small narrow street,with burning sun high up above , dragon flies flying around everywhere outside ,dry weathered atmospheric with old songs backround tht i heard from a distant , just perfect for my dwelling.

And when i was looking at the window of that empty small street outside...It was so quite ...it was so dried ...and there was no one ...

Then...
I touched my heart (literary) in a sudden ... i was thought it hasnt got beat , i thought it just stopped only for a second or so...
Have u ever felt like u want to say something or its like when u wanna tell your whole life story to someone but u couldnt just do it?somehow there’s something hold u back , or pull u back.

I am now feeling tht way , not because i dont hv friends to talk to , but i dont know ...sometimes ...just sometimes there was a time when u cant tell everything to the whole life world...

As i feel tonite ; i am in my fading grey of my own odyssey

I dont think it was a dream...

I dream of you in many different faces , places , beyond limits of time.those dreams came in thorough my mind , my thoughts , my soul in many different of episodes.once there was happy and strange , once there was sad and blur , sometimes they came into me in beautiful many colours of hopes , mostly strange , sometimes frightened and strangled me on my cozy bed ...however non of them was real.

My dreams of you sometimes Put me in doubt for most of time but assurance me sometimes , strange things to feel when virtual and real collide . i'm flowing lightly onto somewhere i couldn't describe.. they didn't stuck me up til now , but hurting me down in my heart at nite.if you weren't there i wouldn't be here , painting my mind on my own glorious sentences to feel myself moaning in my own grief

It's so amazing how these things and dreams and everything lead me , all of my hormons in my brain , captured my thoughts , and have me had this heart to feel about all of this.i'm flowing not floating not yet falling.but its hurting heart i found.leak

And there i go ....flowing .i would cried to you to take me though i can never promise you my devotion .i would have..but somewhere beyond my thoughts...i never see anything.i don't see you . though i could have seen you ...i might see you ..

AN INSIDIOUS DESCENDANT

I CALL THIS AS AN INSIDIOUS DESCENDANT ....

And I will have to fall myself to the edge of doom and let someone free me

And when all of the love songs that all matters to a love , I will have to sing it differently then , I noticed my own grief ...and beyond all of the sorrow...
I will always wake up , every morning with every freed that comes up..and know ..always know...even if its free...there’s always end not yet safe , not even bound

But then I notify of beautiful reef nebula eyes that always set me free
For all of my weakness , sadness and torture
high up above that reef nebula ...there’s flying golden dragon is waiting for me as he always promise me...

I feel and see my own freedom in darkest edge of all within another luck and lust in my deepest purest soul towards another souls

GLASSY WINGS AND AN UNBROKEN VOW

beyond the horizon of my deepest purest soul...I miss you as you're a scar..I got it but never can I loose it.these words , also your words...insinuated detached my brain as a real and virtual collide within ...

take a vow within my soul , make bondage , but don't bent them,build your wings to fly to me,but don't get closer to the sun,and if you fall,let you fall on me and drown yourself in me
then ; find,get and be with your freedom!!!,Icarus. That’s a freedom whisper , me as your Freedom

like I always remember your sentences , Icarus ...
"and all Icarus want;was only Freedom,is only Freedom,will always be Freedom,and its "U", Freedom ... I'm free as you're always be a Freedom,my Freedom,the one and only Freedom."

So then...

fly to me with your wings,bring your hopes,dreams and wishes and find me in my deepest purest soul,safe me for I will always free you,as I always be your freedom who's longing to be within your soul's vow.high up above the 18th clouds and let you fall.. I will be here,in an unbroken vow..
*as always and its a promise.(*under term and conditon)

I vowed my soul into your heart ,so take it , struggle it , fight for it , but don’t let yourself nor me die for it , say it for it IS a REAL

I LOVE U..... ,ALWAYS.... AND IT’S A PROMISE

my Icarus ....
I LOVE U..... ,ALWAYS.... AND IT’S A PROMISE.


I don’t wanna make my words to you only as SAY,SAY,SAY , I don’t wanna throw promises to you and only TRY,TRY,TRY , I am now putting on all of my effort to you as DO,DO,DO.



I DO wanna make dreams and wishes , but I don't wanna make them flying to the 9 cloud and washed by rain nor living there in virtual, so ..be free and real... for I always freed you for your real presence.



My dearest Icarus...how I wish I could have one of your wings so you don't need to fly anywhere nor drowned...



I freed you,as I always be your freedom,and therefore I'm sure you're longing to be mine.
Seek and bound to my soul,as I DO to yours.

THE END OF ICARUS AND FREEDOM STORY

The final rhyme from william carlos william poem about Icarus story ;

“unsignificantly
off the coast
there was
a splash quite unnoticed
this was
Icarus drowning”

“the edge of the sea
concerned
with itself”

Freedom pronounce her sadness from Icarus Story ;
this is more likely ; depicts the insignificance (a word not used, but insinuated) of Icarus’ life.

ICARUS FOR FREEDOM

my Freedom ,

my brain is too fried from all the work I'm doing outside recently,
but I still study on it...and us.

Freedom it is about us,
no matter how things go its about us.
our friendship, relationship, love is what we experience.

I'm just busy and can't be with you much
forgive me , my Freedom,.....
but I'll be with you again soon
don't be desperate

FREEDOM FOR THE ICARUS

I'm longing to see my Icarus
I really miss his look , his eyes , his stare
detached my soul .... embrace me all

I'm his freedom ...
He said once about having a good start

Icarus said to Freedom ;
"start simple and slow ,
you have to be more comfortable
don't be scared coz I won't hurt you
The most important thing is your heart
I am falling now ...
Hmmm yeah ... really (times 4) falling ....
yeah...I do....
but let's not rush it
baby...my Freedom ...
sweet dreams and thank you
think about your feeling ,
your body ,
me...."

Then Freedom replied ;
"I'm your Freedom , Icarus
bring me with you
in your dreams
fly with me
saved me from drowning"

And so Icarus said to his Freedom ;
"I will"
and gave her a sweet gudnite kiss....