THIS IS JUST ONE OF MY DEPRESSION PARAGRAPHS IN my own DIVINE ZEN LOVE HEALING..

I am not afraid of growing old ,As in fact i always want to always look old And hoping more people seez me in my old . I passed my wonderful great life in my common cozy daily activity Just like another normal Indonesian young woman , I always save my day , no matter what bad things happened on me each day and I do sometimes pray to my GOD to be greatful,thankful,and mostly ask for help :D

but

The hardest time in my life is When i’m in this desperately mellowing sad situation , it’s When my soul shades thousands of tears but my eyes dried And knowing that someone I really missed is not mine anymore not that because im still in great passion of love But its more because i regret things happened before which were lead me into it.

And yes that’s hurt so bad , and wasting my youngest time , wasting all of those fortune goddess’ chance that were given to me
But then again i have wonderful family , wonderful friends in my real life that support me and always courage me , and also some of my virtual friends that always be there ...for my 24 hours

Clay was once and twice and three times ( maybe now he’s getting bored of me whining up and complaining...) told me about how to survive and how to fight ,struggle in a painful condition , and yes i think about what he said over and over , and i think he’s right.however , i still think about my heartache.i never thought being in this situation before , i never thought that i would hurt , but yes i thought about it,but i was thinking about happy ending story....not in this painful kind of story..
I remember what clay said to me ; “you deserve to have good friends who lift your spirit up. I'm happy I can be a friend like that to you! “ and how he remind me ; I hope you are happy and well out there, and just remember that if anything troubles you, there is always something or someone beautiful and valuable near by, all you have to do is forget your worries and open your heart to the good things that exist right there in front of you , he’s virtual but he presents into mylife so real , impact me in good positive way.i’m glad i have him as a friend.

This bad story , i must say was began in a first beautiful opening story that you’re not even would expect bad things on me could happened , but as what they say it is...BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO A GOOD PERSON , and that good person is ; ME..

Some of my other close friend is Mei Wina that i often to chat with , she might feel boring too listening all of my complaining .

To my dearest friends who i never met ;
So glad i knew you guys online , though we’re in virtual , but your support and that you’re always be there , is really strengthening my soul.

I know that Both love and loss gave me with extraordinary life lessons. Some of these are elegant; some shatter me and bring me to my knees in devastation inside my heart and my soul.but i know that They're all necessary to open my hearts to wisdom and faith. I know I am stronger than what i think!

We all know that hearts are healed in time, but I believe that there are things i can do to make the process of inner healing just a little more tolerable.
It helps to remember that the pain is in the resistance. It really is true that what i resist persists. The more i fight reality, that which i cannot change, the more pain i experience. The more i surrender and let go, the more i open myself to the natural flow of life so that the power of love can transport me to a new space of peace and acceptance.

the healing words of Achaan Chaa, who reminds us:
Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a great tree in the midst of them all.

When you're depressed, it's as if life loses all its colour. The sun is still shining, but you don't feel the warmth of it on your skin. Flowers are still blooming, but your eyes only see darkness. Birds are still singing in the trees, but your ears only hear the deafening silence of sadness.

I think Managing heartache depression requires a holistic approach.i mean ..i can't just wake up one morning and decide that im going to 'snap out of it'! However, i can take small steps to give myself the best possible chance to benefit from treatment.

A Love haiku by yojinbo makes me think about all shit happened on me ;
What love promises
Is not a happy ending
But a sad farewell.'
'You think you hurt me
By building walls between us:
Fortress or prison?'
'My blood boils away
Flesh, muscle, sinew, all gone
If you say goodbye'
'The venom you used
To say Goodbye, I now use
To kill loneliness.'
~ @Yojinbo

And yes as i always said in my every favourite quotes , life is suck and sucks ...